0 Rob and Kristen - 'Perks of Being an Idiot!'

WARNING; this post comes with heavy sarcasm and may offend some people! (Okay, if you happen to be a hater of Kristen Stewart - keep reading)

I don't normally address something so ridiculously insane - but hey, the amount of shits and giggles i am getting out of this latest round of 'let's be dumb and stupid' makes me write this up, with a shit-eating grin.

So we have gone from wanting to know who the 'mystery blonde' was with Rob over the weekend, to picking anyone who looks like a model and lives in New York and hey presto - Rob's new squeeze.

Lord give me strength!

I suppose it's not surprising given the level of bat-shit craziness there is running around, unlabelled and undiagnosed in the loony fraction of this fandom. Scarcely a day has gone by, without some kind of mental breakdown. So why am i addressing this again? To round up the idiots, but of course :)

You see, you have several kinds of 'fans' and trust me, i use that label very loosely in terms of those that follow two actors; respect their work, their private life and individually, feel nothing but a deep respectful sense of pride for them....and those...that don't. It has come to my attention that the more the kids are left to their own devices, the more hell they create with sharp objects and crayons.

Sometimes i think to myself, 'do they deliberately get up people's noses as a challenge?' Is there some kind of 'shit filler' connected to their keyboards, that with one click, they become obscene morons?
But what i find worse when dealing with the shitty gloop of haters on a regular basis, is the sheep that follow them.
Yes the sheep; those light-minded people who really can't deal with common sense, so they resort to just following around, re-tweeting and liking other people's post with 'yeah i was thinking that too, he hasn't been seen out with Kristen since...oh but pics or it didn't happen' (referring to sightings but no grainy photos to suggest they were there together!)

But a couple of photos of Rob, talking to a girl = 'they are in love and this is a serious looking relationship, he has moved on from Kristen - there is no Robsten anymore!'

WTF?

Firstly, there never was a Robsten, they didn't go and get their names changed to incorporate the first part of his name and the last part of hers - so dumb ass you were right on that score. Secondly, i have ALWAYS hated that bloody celebrity fucking label - it's like discovering a disease and naming it after the person who discovered it. Get it right, it's Robert and Kristen or Rob and Kristen or bloody Pattinson and Stewart. Consider yourself an even bigger dumb-fuck for emailing me and letting me know there is no Robsten 'eye-roll' even i could have saved you the bother and told you that!

When you have to deal with the increasing contingent of crazy chicks with their need to press the issue or at the very least 'i solemnly swear i am telling the truth, the whole lie, so help me Barney' and then pass around absolute hysterically crazy-assed theories, of why 'Rob is moving on' it makes you wonder why on earth are these loonies getting so twitchy and angtsy about?
Then it dawns on you...oh my god - the bible that addressed the whole 'Rob and Kristen' have not been seen together since the 'scandal of the bat-shit century' broke and backed up by said bible - People, have reported they are...back together.

What, no more renditions of Taylor Swift's latest slips numbly into a coma song, 'We are never, ever getting back together'

What will Perez Hilton do now?
What will every other mindless celebrity blogger use as a background nauseating song, when blurbing up their latest 'The Wicked Witch Kristen is dead' routine?
How on earth are the trash mags going to worm their way around this latest deal breaker - 'what he didn't kick her to the kerb?'

If you are going to be dumb-asses and make others believe that the information you have is correct, at the very least don't pick someone who is going to make you really look stupid, by pointing out your fucked up theories - with 'hell no, it was not me with him.' I suppose having it pointed out to them yesterday, that several media outlets have already confirmed it was Sienna Miller, who was speaking with Rob or was it Savannah - who cares? The fact is, it was confirmed by several 'in the know' and that made their 'blindena' theory look as dumb as a nonsten happy meal. So they resort to name the blonde who was 'cosying up' with Rob, instead of just going with the 'Jessica super secret girlfriend' so secret even 007 wants her number.

But then again...no one has seen the super secret 'keeps Rob's heart with her while Kristen gets the rest to him to go home to at night' girlfriend, although some interesting theories involving several species of the animal kingdom have been put about.
Bottom line once again, try a different approach - less bat-shit more creative.

How about...
*cough*

Petite, leggy, lean limbed, but not too much. Slight curves in all the right places. Robust butt (has to be as a priority) with smouldering green eyes, cheeky smile and long wavy auburn hair.

No?
I am wounded!

The ever-loving drama of some really stupid people, resort in some wanting to know the perks of being an idiot. The answer is very simple; act as dumb as you can be. Add to that the fact you are a jealous as fuck, because Kristen Stewart has the one man you would push your granny's over a cliff for. The one man that is the stuff of teenage dreams and cougar delights (who are more often worse than the teenagers aka Robsessed) Even with the circumstances of 'the month that shall not be named' she has proven her worth = human and for that, the full moon rose high in the sky and turned the lesser mortals, who had only once been mildly annoyed at their relationship into howling and foaming parasites; feasting on the even lesser mortals below them and gobbling up their brains.

NOT lifted from CK's porn stash!!

This man does not have to confess his undying love for one person. Despite those who believe they have a crystal ball plugged into his very soul, he makes his own mind up. And that contrary to popular belief, can and will go out with friends with or without the one special person in his life.

Understand basic logic; Kristen is with him, regardless of 'just back together, have got back together, thinking of getting back together, but consulting their psychics and eight-ball readings'
(yes that twitter psychic is all kinds of fail right there!)

They are, it's definite, it's right there and has been there for some time, because they never separated - fact!
People are going stir-crazy, because there have been no photos of them out with each other - no grainy phone pics, no hiding in bushes and jumping out at them fan pics. No tipped off by twitter stalkerazzi pics - nothing.

Shits and giggles my friend, shits and giggles.
Epic is going to happen, oh yes i can feel it. The silence and lack of Rob and Kristen only further makes me smile. This is not our lives, but the lives of two people who don't have to answer to anyone; not us and not the media/stalkerazzi.

Inhale it, enjoy it and feel it.

We will have this very soon...
Tempest